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| Hi friends
Tomorrow I pay $50 to declare that I plan on graduating next year. me...graduate. college!
I sit here, doing little 'have-to-dos' online, adding to my 'remember to do tomorrow' notepad as I go along; trying to get started on my actual studying for the night. But with seemingly no wiggle room until I graduate, my mind is flooded with regrets. With the "if I were to do it over again" thoughts.
...Wish I had minored in Psyc and German..or double majored with social work. Gone to a school that had a dance minor. Been involved in other organizations...
As is...I will be graduating with a Therapeutic Recreation degree, at the cost of a psyc and dance minor. When I made that decision, I had peace and confidence about it.
So really, here I am, realizing college wasnt what I thought it was going to be based on others' experiences that I had heard about. Life in general has been no mountain top the last three years but neither are over. BUT - James has been my friend. patience as well as joy in the rough winds. God's ways are not always comprehensible or within our horizons. I have two internships and one and a half semester of classes left. God willing.
Okay --- time to study.
I hope we see knew things in Jesus' sacrifice as we look at it more intensely this week.
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| life keeps going
you know how one batch of brownies can taste totally different than the next. and one smile mean something totally different than another. and one dollar buy so much than another dollar.
Time is just as inconsistent. Actually maybe all those things are consistently variable. One second can be longer than another. Some people's seconds have been longer and harder and they have had to grow up in fewer seconds than others because of the difficulty of their seconds and minutes and years compared to others.
Sometimes seconds just dont seem to pass quick enough. They do, however, consistnantly pass, and I am glad for that.
BED TIME. I hope those seconds that I sleep are long ones but the ones of my dreams are short and fun ones.
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| -Our Father who is in Heaven, may Your name be praised each day and known as holy
Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven- use us
Give us this day our daily bread; feed my spirit and quench its thirst; may those who hunger physically be fed and know you today; feed also those who eat everyday yet do not recognize their need for Your food
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one; give us our passions that we may be led by You
For Yours is the glory and the power for ever and ever
Amen
-Love is a choice. In
sickness and in health. It’s an action. Love
the Lord your God with your heart soul and mind. And love your
neighbor. God is love. For He so loved
the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him will
not perish but have eternal life. Love is a motive. Love is the greatest of them all. If you have
not love, you are nothing.
Is love a feeling?
-Its thursday. On monday Ill be back at school. Believe it or not, Im looking forward to my classes and learning all I can in these classes that I have.
Im looking forward to my family coming to visit in a month.
Im looking forward to seeing what God does this semester because there are many unknowns that I know He will answer this semester through respective experts; potential employers, doctors, research, prayer, scripture, time, experience, conversations with friends and acquaintances and other sources.
Im looking forward to see how He will give me strength for my responsibilities.
Im looking forward to learning how to live in peace and to love others with grace
Im looking forward to an accountability with Emily to memorize verses.
Im looking forward to more frisbee with Jonjon
Im looking forward to saturday mornings
God knows there are things Im not looking forward to but I do not want to live in dismay. I want to be strong and courageous because Jesus is at my right hand.
Have a good semester!!
To the Pendik girls, I love being your abla and arkadas. write me anytime
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| you know that shaky feeling in your legs when you rock climb or do anything that requires a muscle group to remain flexed for a long time? have you been rock climbing lately? You should do it cause more than a lot of things I've done, will rock climbing you really quickly reach points where your muscles feel so weak and completely finished and yet once you make the decision to keep going, somehow you find yourself moving upwards. perhaps you reach 5 of those points on one climb and make 5 of those decisions to keep going and you reach the top!
It's a great activity cause there is finish point in sight and keeps getting closer (unless you fall a little and it feels further). You get to the top and you touch the star/bell or whatever is up there and one of your first thoughts is 'wow...I almost gave up way down there...didnt think I could make it here'
sometimes its just better to relax and your tensing your muscles too
tightly and too much. sometimes you take such a long time to make a
decision about where to go or to muster up the hidden energy that you
just get tired faster and keep your muscles in the same strain for
longer than necessary.
and as you're going up often people are telling you what to do. sometimes its good advice. sometimes you just want them to shut up cause you want to figure it out a little on your own - you'll ask them when you're lost. Mostly you want them to be a support - an encouragement. sometimes those 5 decisions to keep going is spurred from the people down there. people who for some reason feel so confidently that you can make it that the strength is there. so positive.
when is it ok to give up? to say you've had enough? when are you just being stubborn? when are you just being driven by a fear to disappoint those who have a mysterious faith in you and tell them - no...I cant. not this time.
when can they say -that's alright. its just about having fun- you can do it next time, dont kill yourself.
when is it their role to say YES - you can, I wont let you down no matter what. you can do this. finish it. believe. look at the goal just do it. ..?
guess you cant just listen to what you're body tells you...or what people tell you.
our flesh is dead. we live by the Spirit and He will give us wisdom and strength.
God speaks in many ways. wish His voice were easier to understand.
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| In regard to my last post, I wise friend of mine pointed out to me that there are people around me right now, in this current chapter of my life that we can/do shine into. I appreciated that.
It's easy to feel like 'Im never doing enough' ... 'Im never using my time wisely because in the end Im always behind.'
Today I went to lunch that my church provides. I got to set out the cups and water jugs. Believe me that that gave me joy. Perhaps I like to love through service. Perhaps that is part of the dilemma that makes me feel so selfish and unloving when I am not serving people. Not such a fun situation
Then I sat with the younger girls on the bench to learn their names. Let's see...Cicealia (9th) is homeschooled as Kaitlyn (7th). Sarah (8th) goes to public school. And then there's Natalie, Cicealia's sister. Polly is missing her two front teeth. Abby is 2 and adorable. One more...the girl who did a great cartwheel.
While eating with the grown-ups I snuck away for a little bit to have a conversation with Gabe and Will at their table. They hit me with some jokes almost immediately :)
do you know why you go to bed?
because it cant come to you
Do you know what you call a policeman who steps in dog poop?
on duty
Then we discussed what Spiderman badguys we knew. Gabe was quite the expert.
Now I'm working on pharmacology...took a break from finding all the facts on the NSAID, diclofenac.
Jonjon and I walked to the soccer field yesterday and watched a game. nice time. I brought hotchocolate cause it was cold. unfortunatly he burned himself :(
Dad and Daniel come tomorrow. A Blessing
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